When Love is Genuine vs When It Is Selfish

“According to psychology, when someone truly loves you, their biggest fear is not losing you. It is hurting you. But when someone only loves the way you make them feel, their biggest fear is losing access to you. Know the difference.”

When love is real, it is built on care, responsibility, and deep emotional respect. Someone who truly loves you fears hurting you more than they fear losing you. They value your heart. They are mindful of your feelings. They hold your trust as something sacred. Their actions are careful because they know that true love means protecting what you have, not taking it for granted.

Their greatest concern is not themselves. It is not what they gain from you. Their fear is causing you pain. Their greatest desire is to nurture the bond, to bring you closer to Allah, to support your growth, and to create a space where your heart feels safe.

But when someone only loves the way you make them feel, everything changes.

Their concern is not you.

It is their access to you.

Their emotional comfort.

Their image of being loved and admired.

Their fear is not about your wellbeing.

Their fear is about losing what they are getting from you.

They may cling to you. They may chase you. They may even plead for you to stay. But it is not because they are afraid of hurting you. It is because they are afraid of losing their source of supply. Their admiration. Their validation. Their ego boost.

And that is why you often feel empty around them.

Because you are not being loved.

You are being used.

Your heart is being consumed, not honoured.

It is essential to learn to tell the difference.

Real love brings you closer to Allah.

Real love nourishes your soul.

Real love leaves you feeling safe even in difficult moments.

Real love holds space for your emotions, your struggles, your dreams.

Infatuation, selfishness, and emotional dependency only leave you drained.

You become a tool for someone else’s comfort.

And when you stop fulfilling their emotional needs, they no longer see your value.

This is not how Allah intended love to be.

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ was the best example of true love. He was gentle. He was patient. He was protective of the feelings of those around him. He never loved for his own benefit. He loved for the sake of Allah and for the sake of the goodness between two souls.

Ask yourself:

Does this relationship make me feel closer to Allah?

Does it help me grow?

Or am I constantly afraid, drained, and unsure?

Do not confuse being needed with being loved.

Do not confuse attention with affection.

Do not confuse control with care.

Real love is pure.

Real love is rooted in mercy.

Real love is a amanah from Allah.

Protect your heart. Know the difference. And choose the love that brings you peace, not pain.