When Control Becomes a Burden

Many of us don’t realise it, but our hearts feel heavy not because of what we are going through, but because of how we are trying to carry it.

We call it “being responsible” or “being strong”, but what we are actually doing is trying to control every detail of our lives. We overthink, we plan every possibility, we replay every conversation, we punish ourselves for past mistakes, and we worry about futures we cannot guarantee. We believe if we think enough, stress enough, analyse enough, maybe things won’t go wrong.

But this is control.

It is a silent attempt to manage what only Allah can manage.

Control shows up in subtle ways:

When you replay someone’s words, wondering if you said the wrong thing.

When you cannot forgive yourself for something you already repented for.

When you lie awake planning every outcome, afraid of what might happen if you stop worrying.

When you feel guilty for resting, as if your worry is what keeps life safe.

This way of living is exhausting. It makes your chest feel tight and your heart constantly anxious. And no matter how much you think, nothing truly feels certain. Because deep down, you know life is not in your hands.

This is where Tawakkul comes in. Many people misunderstand tawakkul. They think it means doing nothing and just hoping for the best. But that is not true.

Tawakkul means:

You take action with effort and sincerity.

Then you hand over the result to Allah.

You trust that His plan will never harm you, even if it hurts at first.

Tawakkul is not laziness. It is relief. It is the moment your soul puts down the burden of pretending to be in control.

Think about it:

You can study, but success is written by Allah.

You can apologise, but acceptance is in Allah’s Hands.

You can make du’ā for marriage, children, or healing, but the timing and outcome belong to Him.

You can worry all night, but nothing will change until Allah wills it to change.

A sister once said, “But if I don’t worry, I feel careless.”

The truth is your worry is not what protects you. Allah is.

Look at your life. How many blessings came when you had no plan. How many times did Allah save you without you even asking. He has always been taking care of you, long before you tried to take control.

And if you struggle to let go and surrender, do not be ashamed. Many people do. Especially those who have always been strong, independent or forced to protect themselves. When you are used to being in control, surrender can feel scary. It can feel like weakness. But it isn’t. It is one of the deepest acts of faith.

This is why muraqaba is so powerful. Sitting with Allah, observing your thoughts, breathing deeply, and allowing your fears to rise without fighting them. Over time, it teaches your heart to soften and release. The boxing technique we use during muraqabah is not just an exercise. It is a training of the soul. Each time you box a thought, a fear, a memory and place it aside, you remind your heart: I do not need to carry this alone. I can put it down with Allah.

Use that technique as often as you need. Box the worry. Box the guilt. Box the outcome. Hand it over. Again and again, until your heart starts to believe what your tongue already says, HasbunAllahu wa ni’mal wakeel.

So what does Tawakkul look like?

You make du’ā.

You try your best.

You let go of what is beyond you.

You believe that if something leaves, it was never meant to stay. And if something is meant for you, it will reach you even if the world tries to block it.

Let your heart rest.

Release the need to control what was never yours.

Allah is not asking you to solve your life.

He is asking you to trust Him with it.

Tawakkul is not weakness. It is strength with peace. It is effort with surrender. It is fear replaced by faith.

Maybe that is all your heart has been waiting for, to stop fighting alone and to finally let Allah carry what you cannot.