Becoming Softer for Allah

There’s something sacred about self-reflection.

It’s not loud or dramatic. It doesn’t happen in front of others. It often happens when everything is quiet, in the shower, before bed, or during those moments of stillness when your heart finally slows down enough to listen.

You start to replay your day.

You think about the conversation you had earlier and how your tone might have been a little sharp. You remember how you rushed someone off because you were tired. Or maybe how you reacted defensively when all someone wanted was to be heard.

And in that quiet space, you say to yourself, “Tomorrow I’ll do better, In Sha Allah.”

That is growth.

Not the kind that everyone sees, but the kind that Allah loves, the kind that happens in the privacy of your own soul, where your ego begins to surrender and your heart begins to soften.

Allah says in the Qur’ān:

“Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves.”

(Surah Ar-Ra’d, 13:11)

This verse reminds us that transformation begins within. It’s not always about changing our lives dramatically. Sometimes it’s about noticing that one word we said without kindness, or that one time we didn’t listen fully. It’s about acknowledging it, asking Allah for forgiveness, and promising ourselves to respond with more ihsān next time.

Every small act of self-awareness is a step towards purification.

Every moment you pause and think, “I could’ve handled that better,” you are already growing.

Because that pause, that awareness, is the space where Allah places light.

The Prophet ﷺ said:

“A strong person is not the one who overcomes others with his strength, but the one who controls himself while in anger.”

(Bukhari and Muslim)

So when you catch yourself remembering a moment you lost patience, and you make an intention to respond differently next time, that is strength. That is jihad al-nafs, the striving of the soul.

To the sister reading this who sometimes feels guilty for not being “there” yet,

know that Allah sees your efforts.

He sees the tiny shifts in your tone.

He sees the moments you restrain your anger, even if only a little.

He sees you trying to be softer, calmer, more forgiving.

And He loves that about you.

Growth isn’t a grand transformation that happens overnight.

It’s built in these tiny, sincere moments of reflection.

When you are honest with yourself, humble before Allah, and willing to keep showing up, that’s when real change begins.

So tonight, when you lie in bed or stand under the shower, let yourself reflect.

Think about your words, your reactions, your tone.

Not to judge yourself, but to gently guide yourself back to who you’re becoming.

Whisper to your heart,

“Tomorrow, I’ll be a little wiser, a little softer, a little closer to Allah.”

And then ask Allah to help you.

Ask Him to guide your heart, to grant you the strength to respond with patience, the wisdom to pause before speaking, and the softness to see others through compassion.

Because growth doesn’t come from our effort alone, it comes from His mercy.

So ask Him to purify your intentions, to polish your heart, and to make you among those who are always improving for His sake.