A Connection With Allah Does Not Just Happen

“I really admire people who have such a beautiful connection with Allah.”

I hear things like this quite often.

And honestly, it makes me a little sad.

Not because there is anything wrong with admiring someone’s relationship with Allah, but because sometimes, behind those words, there seems to be an assumption that these people simply have something that we do not.

As though they were born with it.

As though Allah chose some people to experience closeness and left the rest of us standing outside.

As though they are simply lucky.

But what we often do not see is everything that happened behind that connection.

The tears nobody witnessed.

The questions they had to sit with.

The parts of themselves they had to confront.

The beliefs they had to unlearn.

The years of learning who Allah actually is.

The moments they had to keep turning back to Allah even when they did not feel anything.

The effort they made to speak to Allah, seek Him, learn about Him, trust Him and slowly allow their perception of Him to change.

Because a relationship with Allah is still a relationship.

And relationships require nurturing.

We understand this when it comes to people.

If you want to become close to someone, you spend time with them. You listen to them. You learn what they like and dislike. You become familiar with the way they think. You communicate with them. You show up. You build trust. You allow yourself to become vulnerable.

Yet sometimes we expect our relationship with Allah to simply appear because we are performing our obligations.

We pray.

We fast.

We recite Qur’ān.

We make our adhkār.

And then we wonder why our hearts still feel distant.

But perhaps the question is not always, “How much ibadah am I doing?”

Perhaps sometimes the deeper question is, “What is happening within me while I am doing it?”

Am I simply completing an obligation?

Or am I actually trying to know Allah?

Am I learning who Allah is beyond everything I have been taught to fear?

Am I beginning to understand His mercy, His wisdom, His nearness, His love, His knowledge of me and His understanding of everything I carry?

Am I speaking to Him honestly?

Am I taking my worries to Him?

Am I allowing myself to depend upon Him?

Am I noticing Him in my everyday life?

Am I trying to recognise Allah rather than simply trying to perform for Allah?

For me personally, so much of this journey has come down to mindset.

Because sometimes we are trying to build a relationship with Allah while carrying a perception of Allah that makes closeness feel almost impossible.

If you grew up believing that Allah is primarily waiting to punish you, you may struggle to run towards Him when you are hurting.

If you were taught that being a good Muslim means never questioning, never struggling and never admitting that you are confused, you may hide parts of yourself from Allah instead of bringing them to Him.

If Islam was presented to you mainly through fear, guilt, punishment and perfection, you may spend years trying to become “good enough” for Allah without ever realising that Allah already knows every imperfect part of you.

And sometimes we have to sit with those beliefs and ask ourselves:

Is this actually who Allah is, or is this simply the version of Allah that I learnt to believe in?

That can be a very uncomfortable question.

Because building a connection with Allah can involve a tremendous amount of unlearning.

Unlearning fear that was never rooted in a balanced understanding of Allah.

Unlearning the idea that Allah only wants something from us.

Unlearning the belief that we can only turn to Allah when we have ourselves together.

Unlearning the idea that our worth is determined by how perfectly we perform.

Unlearning the belief that a difficult season means Allah has abandoned us.

And then comes the learning.

Learning who Allah is.

Learning His Names.

Learning about His mercy.

Learning about His wisdom.

Learning that He knows what we cannot know.

Learning that He hears what we cannot explain.

Learning that we can speak to Him in the middle of an ordinary day.

Learning to take our fears to Him before taking them everywhere else.

Learning to ask Him for guidance before asking everyone around us.

Learning to recognise the ways He has already been carrying us.

And slowly, something begins to change.

You stop seeing Allah merely as Someone you have to worship and start recognising Him as the One you can turn towards in every part of your life.

When you are confused.

When you are excited.

When you are heartbroken.

When you are grateful.

When you have no idea what to do next.

When you have made a mistake.

When you need strength.

When you need clarity.

When you simply want to talk.

And this is where I think many of us misunderstand connection.

We think we need to feel connected before we start behaving like someone who is connected.

But sometimes the connection is built through the very act of repeatedly turning towards Allah.

You make the du’ā even when your heart feels numb.

You sit after Salaah a little longer even when you do not know what to say.

You speak to Allah about something that seems insignificant because you are learning to include Him in your everyday life.

You learn one of His Names and spend the day noticing how it changes the way you see your circumstances.

You catch yourself spiralling and consciously remind yourself, “Allah knows. Allah sees. Allah is with me.”

You make a decision and ask Allah for guidance instead of relying entirely on your own understanding.

You experience disappointment and instead of immediately assuming that everything has gone wrong, you begin asking, “What might Allah be teaching me here?”

That is effort.

That is work.

And sometimes it is deeply uncomfortable work because you are not only building a relationship with Allah.

You are also having to work on yourself.

Your ego.

Your fears.

Your attachment to control.

Your expectations.

Your need for certainty.

Your wounds.

Your relationship with people.

Your understanding of yourself.

Your understanding of Islam.

Your assumptions about what Allah should give you and when He should give it.

Sometimes getting closer to Allah means discovering just how much of our life has been driven by fear.

Sometimes it means learning to surrender something we have spent years trying to control.

Sometimes it means accepting that tawakkul is not knowing exactly what will happen, but trusting the One who does.

And sometimes it means realising that we have been asking Allah to change our circumstances when He may also be inviting us to change the way we are looking at those circumstances.

This is why I do not think we should look at someone who has a beautiful connection with Allah and simply think, “I wish I had what they have.”

Perhaps instead we should think:

“What are they doing to nurture that connection, and what can I begin doing to nurture mine?”

Because their journey is not yours.

Your connection with Allah may not look like theirs.

Maybe yours grows through long conversations with Allah late at night.

Maybe through sitting quietly after Salaah.

Maybe through learning the Qur’ān and allowing its words to change the way you see life.

Maybe through making du’ā while driving.

Maybe through learning the Names of Allah.

Maybe through journalling.

Maybe through sujood.

Maybe through simply noticing Allah throughout your day and saying, “Ya Allah, I see what You are doing.”

There is no need to copy someone else’s relationship with Allah.

But there is a need to intentionally build your own.

And perhaps this is the most beautiful part.

You are not too far away.

You are not one of those people who simply “doesn’t have a connection with Allah”.

You are not unlucky.

You are not excluded from closeness.

Perhaps you are simply at the beginning of a journey you have never been taught how to take.

Start small.

Learn who Allah is.

Question the beliefs that have made Him feel distant.

Unlearn what needs to be unlearned.

Learn what needs to be learned.

Speak to Allah.

Turn to Him.

Notice Him.

Make time for Him.

Bring Him your real self, not just the polished version.

And keep returning.

Because connection is not built in one emotional moment.

It is built through hundreds of small decisions to turn towards Allah again and again.

Until one day you realise that the person you once admired from a distance for having a connection with Allah was not necessarily “lucky” at all.

They were simply someone who kept turning towards Allah.

And perhaps, without even realising it, you can begin doing the same.