Why Narcissists Hate Codependents Yet Keep Using Them

The relationship between narcissists and codependents is a complex and deeply toxic dynamic. On the surface, it may seem like the narcissist needs the codependent—after all, the codependent provides endless validation, attention, and emotional labor. But beneath that, narcissists actually despise codependents. They see them as weak, pathetic, and beneath them.

Yet, paradoxically, they cannot survive without them.

The Reflection of Weakness: Why Narcissists Hate Codependents

Narcissists spend their lives running from their own emptiness and insecurities. They build a false self—one that is grandiose, powerful, and superior. But deep down, they are fragile, deeply insecure, and terrified of feeling worthless.

Codependents, on the other hand, often operate from a place of deep emotional wounding. They seek validation through caretaking, fixing, and being needed. To the narcissist, this reflects their own hidden weakness, which they cannot bear to acknowledge.

• Narcissists hate that codependents see their brokenness and want to fix them. They don’t want to be fixed—they want to control.

• Narcissists hate that codependents accept mistreatment—it disgusts them because it reminds them of the weakness they are constantly running from.

• Narcissists hate that codependents give endlessly—because in their twisted mind, love is not about giving, it’s about taking.

But even though they hate these qualities in codependents, they still exploit them—because they are useful.

Why Narcissists Don’t Want Codependents, But Keep Using Them

Narcissists don’t actually want a codependent partner in the way a codependent wants them. Codependents want to love, nurture, and fix the narcissist. But narcissists only want power and control.

In reality, narcissists are drawn to strong, independent empaths—the ones they know they can’t have.

• They admire their strength, yet feel threatened by it.

• They crave their authenticity, yet resent it.

• They know an empath will see through them, so they push them away or sabotage the relationship.

Since healthy, self-aware empaths won’t tolerate their abuse, narcissists settle for what they can control: codependents. But the relationship is never one of love or appreciation—only exploitation.

How Narcissists Exploit Codependents for Supply

Since narcissists have no internal sense of worth, they feed on “supply” from others—admiration, control, attention, and power. Codependents provide a consistent, reliable source of this supply.

1. They use codependents for emotional labor – Codependents soothe their wounds, take on their emotional burdens, and try to “heal” them, but the narcissist only sees this as servitude.

2. They drain them dry – Codependents pour love, energy, and devotion into the narcissist, hoping it will be enough. It never is. Instead, the narcissist takes everything and gives nothing in return.

3. They discard them when they’re empty – Once the codependent is depleted—too exhausted to keep giving—the narcissist loses interest and moves on to a new source of supply.

A narcissist does not see a codependent as a person to cherish.

They see them as a resource to extract from—until there is nothing left.

Breaking Free: The Codependent’s Path to Freedom

Codependents often confuse abuse for love. They think if they just give more, try harder, or love deeper, the narcissist will finally see their worth.

But a narcissist will never see them as worthy—because narcissists do not value anyone, only what they can get from them.

The only way to break free is to recognise the toxic cycle, set boundaries, and walk away. True healing comes from reclaiming your identity, rebuilding your self-worth, and realising that love should not require self-abandonment.

And for the narcissist? Let them find another source of supply.

You were never meant to be their lifeline.