It Wasn’t Self-Sabotage – It Was Protection from Allah

So many people carry a heavy guilt after losing a relationship, especially one they feared losing from the very beginning. They think, “Did I manifest this? Did I cause it to end because I was too afraid? Did I sabotage what could have been good?”

But here is a truth no one speaks about enough:

You only feared losing them because deep down, you never felt safe with them.

Real love, the kind Allah places between two hearts aligned with truth, does not create constant fear. Real partnership with a genuine qawwam—a protector, a guardian, a man of responsibility—brings sakīnah, tranquillity. It brings a deep, quiet knowing: “This person is safe. I can trust them. I do not have to fight for love.”

The fear you felt was never a sign of self-sabotage. It was a sign of imbalance. A sign that your soul recognised danger while your mind tried to convince you otherwise.

Fear Only Exists Where Safety Is Absent

In a marriage with a sincere, emotionally responsible partner:

• You don’t fear being abandoned.

• You don’t walk on eggshells.

• You don’t overthink every word, action, or silence.

• You don’t worry that honesty will ruin everything.

Instead, you feel anchored. Seen. Protected.

But with a narcissist or emotionally abusive person, you live in a constant state of alert. Even when nothing is “wrong,” something inside you feels unsettled. Silent alarm bells that your mind cannot decode, but your soul can sense. A tightening in your chest. A fear of being misunderstood. A rush of panic at the smallest disagreement.

That is not love. That is spiritual danger, wrapped in emotional illusion.

When It Ends, It Feels Like You Failed – But You Didn’t

When such a relationship ends, many blame themselves:

• “Maybe I overthought.”

• “Maybe I fed my fears.”

• “Maybe I pushed them away.”

But the truth? It was never stable to begin with. It was bound to collapse, because Allah does not allow falsehood to stand forever.

It didn’t end because you feared it.

It ended because Allah removed you from harm you couldn’t yet see.

It Wasn’t Loss – It Was Rescue

Allah saw the tears you cried in silence.

The prayers you whispered in confusion.

The knots in your chest that never eased.

And so He ended what you were still holding onto—because you wouldn’t have survived it much longer.

Sometimes we mistake painful separation for punishment, when it is actually divine protection.

Fear in Love Is a Warning from the Soul

Your fear wasn’t weakness. It was wisdom. It was your ruh recognising that this person did not nurture your iman, your heart, or your dignity. A real qawwam removes fear. A narcissist creates it.

And a relationship rooted in fear is not a relationship—it is a test.

A Necessary Realisation

Stop telling yourself you ruined something beautiful.

It was never beautiful—it was unstable.

Stop telling yourself you manifested loss.

It was Allah manifesting mercy.

True love from Allah does not threaten your safety.

It protects it.

What You Felt Was Not Paranoia – It Was Intuition

Every tightened breath, every anxious night, every silent fear was Allah’s way of telling you:

“This is not your place of sakīnah.”

When it finally broke, it was not destruction. It was deliverance.

Take This As a Final Reminder

• Losing someone who made you fear is not loss.

• It is freedom.

• It is space being cleared for what aligns with your fitrah.

• It is Allah saying, “I heard your cries before you even voiced them.”

One day you will meet someone who calms your fears instead of causing them.

And in that moment, you will realise—you did not self-sabotage.

You were saved.